stakesthesame | IMEEJI INBOX

Every time I talk to him it turns into a fight. I can't just sit there while he's being a-- condescending know-it-all, or throwing any attempt to be nicer back at my face. During the secrets game we said-- because Maki was gonna come to Zrael eventually, maybe it'd be better if we were like, y'know, not fighting, so I agreed, and he immediately started coming at me about how I reacted to his stupid date thing when we first met and that I should learn to take a joke. So I like, admitted that yeah, it upset me a lot, especially cuz of something I'd just remembered before that, and then he like scoffed or whatever and said it was just an excuse to get closer to you and called me "collateral damage".

And then I tried to drop off some snacks to their dorm the other night cuz I figured it's like, the least I could do? And like, peek in on you guys a bit, and see if you were okay, and he didn't even waste any time rubbing the fact that they saved US in my face and "why wouldn't I come in to talk to them" for that when I was just trying to be like, halfway decent, and not go into the house of someone I KNOW doesn't like me cuz I didn't intend to be there as long as I was in the first place.

Edited 2019-02-07 20:53 (UTC)

Ah, well...

He's a condescending know-it-all asshole. You're not wrong.

I don't think he doesn't like you, though. He invited you inside, right? If he hated you, he wouldn't bother. That is him trying to be friendly.

Why would I-- want to spend time with someone who's just gonna neg me every time I speak, when I'm already feeling like gunk? Especially right after rubbing it in my face when I was already upset about that in the FIRST place.

But you and Maki are the same way. He already likes you two, so it's easy for you to say "well that IS him being nice" or "have you tried talking about something else" or something like that. If he's gonna be that way-- even when he's forced to tell the truth, he's that way-- then what am I supposed to do? You want me to just sit there and take it and be miserable until he decides I'm worth being nice to?

I'm not telling you to hang around him or anything. Sounds like you guys have a personality clash.

Definitely insult him back instead of taking it, though.

... I don't see how that'll make anything better, or encourage him to stop messing with me at all. But whatever you say.

Well, it's how we became friends...

... shouldn't have to wade through so much shit just to be able to exist in someone's space without getting poked and prodded at.

So don't, if it's not your thing. No one said you have to like him. Just doesn't mean he doesn't care what happens to our unit.

...

I just want... someone I care about to care about us too.

. . .

[ sigh ]

Nemesis does, right? She cares about you, at least. Even if the rest of us are unfortunate extras.

... yeah. Yeah, she does, but she won't put me over Hurricane. And I won't ask her to.

[ thunks her head against her knees ]

Sorry. I know I'm being... stupid, and selfish. I know it's unrealistic and whatever.

[ mmmmmm ]

☆ZRAEL cares. About you, and about us, more than anything else.

Don't think I've been a very good zrael, either, though...

What, this again? I thought we had this conversation.

[ voice wavery, pressing get face into her knees ugghhhh: ]

Dude, shut up, I'm trying. Okay?

[ ... huff ]

You're fine. There's no way to be a "bad ☆ZRAEL."

... I keep running into things that... you're all okay with, and I'm not, and I guess I don't really know how to... um. Deal with it. Or something. I guess.

But I love you guys? And I want to keep you all safe too. But that's... easy, compared to trying to protect someone else.

[ now it's his turn to draw his knees to his chest, dragging his hands over his face while he thinks out his response to that ]

... We aren't really going to change, most of us. We're different from almost everyone else here in the way we think, the way we act, our understanding of the world, our morals and our standards. Because of the worlds we were raised in, or because of what we were born to be. So—even if the way we think sometimes bothers you, I don't think there's an easy solution.

But we don't expect you to change and do things you're not okay with, either. So at least know that.

... I know. I guess it's... I'm really different to begin with, y'know? And then it's like... the people I should belong with, they're crazy different from ME too...? It's just... a lot. And I kinda lost it on Red and Ashes last time and... I guess I'm just, trying to ignore it more. Or something.

Edited 2019-02-08 01:23 (UTC)

If it helps, it's not like the rest of us are all on the same page either. Red, Dia, Doodles, everyone—they all do or say stuff I don't understand sometimes. The same goes for them, about me, I bet.

But that's all we can do, really. Try to understand, and if we can't, move on.