There are a number of things I have some regret for in varying degrees, in regards to last night. My apologies, however; I'm not looking to be murdered again, so this seemed like the besr option for civility.
I have a most troubling tendency of not understanding people, or not knowing how to speak in a manner that is . . .
[ . . . ]
. . . effectively communicative.
[ ,-, ]
So, I apologize. If you would have questions for me, then I will answer to the best of my ability - though I ask for your patience in my struggle to communicate effectively.
[ ,-, !! ]
Of course, should you have no interest in this matter and would simply like to disconnect the call, that is fine by me. In which case, I do apologize for disturbing you.
[ quiet again for a long time. maybe she's not understanding or she's surprised or she fuckin fell asleep again--
no, wait, she sighs after a bit. ]
Yeah you definitely suck at communication.
... how am I supposed to trust something like this from you, after the junk you said. You realize that if you lie a lot with your words people aren't going to believe anything you say that might be the truth, right?
It doesn't matter to me, whether you believe me or not. There's no purpose in lying.
[ with a pause ]
To be frank, it seems to me that our issues will not be settled save for by blade and blood. That's fine by me. However, it's for his sake that I am attempting this at all.
If you won't even fight me properly there's no point in coming at you again when I'm just gonna get stopped again by someone that thinks you do no wrong.
...
So... do you regret it or not? Or is it just that you regret making Doodles-- I dunno, upset or something-- and it really isn't about me at all.
Ah, before I begin, I'd just like to confirm that you're inside of your own home, or otherwise a place lacking in surveillance. I am in my own home myself, but I won't speak of anything if it's being recorded.
What, about you? Basically nothing, dude. Only thing I know is the tiny little bit Doodles told me about your trying to seem like a villain or whatever at the trial.
Why the heck you're intentionally trying to make me murder you, for one. Why you thought anybody else was going to fall for that villain garbage, for another. Why you think fighting is the "only" option. Why you don't seem to care enough about Dia not to antagonize her unitmates even though she's crazy for you.
I admit, it was a rash decision back then, and I have since reflected on my actions. Since the trial, I have not done anything with the intent of playing as a villain . . .
[ a
long
pause ]
. . .
Wouldn't it make you feel better, to kill me?
It seemed like it would. You're afraid of me, but fear can be overcome with control and power.
I already know I can kill you. The problem's just getting to that point with everyone rallying to defend you.
[ a pause. though. ]
... You, Loki, and Nya ripping open Hurricane and Nemesis during the hunger games. Yasuragi-- yeah, I know he's not sensitiv, but he was with you guys- shooting me for no reason, attacking Nemesis, and Loki killed me after that. Whatever you did to Nemesis just before. Sekhmet making Maki kill Corona and then herself in that game.
It's kind of a lot. And yeah, maybe it was during games, but most if not all of this was-- unprovoked, at least from my angle. And I know Hurricane and Nemesis wouldn't try to kill someone if they weren't being hunted themselves.
. . . I couldn't tell you why they attacked Hurricane-san and Nemesis-san. I wasn't there for the start of the fight, as I was with Dia-sama - and when we entered the area, I heard Nya-san being attacked, so I tried to stop Nemesis-san from killing him.
Still, though I don't know why they did it, I'm certainly confident that they would not have unless they were trying to defend themselves. I know Hurricane-san and Nemesis-san to be the same, so to be honest, I'm not certain what happened.
[ with a pause ]
As for other matters, they aren't in my place to speak of.
If they couldn't even come to us and talk to us themselves about it, I don't really care what their reasons are. Clearly it wasn't important enough or a misunderstanding enough to bother explaining their sides.
I'm not asking for you explanations about that junk anyway.
Our units, regardless of reason, have a fair amount of antagonism towards each other already.
Moreover, it is difficult for us to protect ourselves in games. I'm sure the same could be said for you.
. . .
Even though I'm personally fond of everyone on ☆ZRAEL, my unit has . . . the younger members of my unit - I don't want to be the one to make them break their own hearts. I've already done that many times before, with my own selfishness. Moreover, I know that I grate on you and a few others - and regardless, Avenger will be alright if I'm dead.
[ a pause ]
Not that I mean to be. Even if I hate it, I'm not going to stop fighting. I'll protect my unit with everything I have, and -
It hurts her, I know. But I'm selfish, and it hurts me to imagine her dying. Because - she won't fight it . . . Even if I should die, such is the nature of my existence anyway, so I can bear that burden - but I can't bear even the thought of her dying. . .
It seems like it would be easier for us if our units could mutually antagonize each other. And, I trust you and the rest of ☆ZRAEL to protect her.
[ with another pause, like he's tacking on an afterthought ]
Though, I admit that I seem to be antagonizing people when I don't mean to. I just haven't done anything about it because it's convenient.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:03 pm (UTC)From:higanbana: I spoke with Avenger.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:05 pm (UTC)From:anyway a few minutes later she calls, ringring. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:15 pm (UTC)From:picking up, ]
It's a bit early in the day, isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:16 pm (UTC)From:Whattya want.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:19 pm (UTC)From:[ a pause ]
There are a number of things I have some regret for in varying degrees, in regards to last night. My apologies, however; I'm not looking to be murdered again, so this seemed like the besr option for civility.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:22 pm (UTC)From:... uh, okay... go on.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:29 pm (UTC)From:To put it simply, you caught me in a bad mood.
Moreover, I -
[ a pause, like he doesn't know how to say it ]
I have a most troubling tendency of not understanding people, or not knowing how to speak in a manner that is . . .
[ . . . ]
. . . effectively communicative.
[ ,-, ]
So, I apologize. If you would have questions for me, then I will answer to the best of my ability - though I ask for your patience in my struggle to communicate effectively.
[ ,-, !! ]
Of course, should you have no interest in this matter and would simply like to disconnect the call, that is fine by me. In which case, I do apologize for disturbing you.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 02:57 pm (UTC)From:no, wait, she sighs after a bit. ]
Yeah you definitely suck at communication.
... how am I supposed to trust something like this from you, after the junk you said. You realize that if you lie a lot with your words people aren't going to believe anything you say that might be the truth, right?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:04 pm (UTC)From:[ with a pause ]
To be frank, it seems to me that our issues will not be settled save for by blade and blood. That's fine by me. However, it's for his sake that I am attempting this at all.
[ quieter, ]
I owe him that much.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:10 pm (UTC)From:...
So... do you regret it or not? Or is it just that you regret making Doodles-- I dunno, upset or something-- and it really isn't about me at all.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:19 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:21 pm (UTC)From:I'm home.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:24 pm (UTC)From:[ quiet for a moment ]
Mm, I regret it. Actually, if possible, I'd rather avoid fighting, but it seems like the only option.
[ with a pause ]
But, as you know, regret is not something that moves me.
[ this is a lie; regret might be his greatest motivator in the world ]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:26 pm (UTC)From:Also no, I don't know SQUAT about you or anything that "moves you". And clearly it does cuz you're only calling me for Doodles' sake?? Come on, dude.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:29 pm (UTC)From:. . .
Then, what do you know?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:35 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:37 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:43 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:48 pm (UTC)From:[ a
long
pause ]
. . .
Wouldn't it make you feel better, to kill me?
It seemed like it would. You're afraid of me, but fear can be overcome with control and power.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:52 pm (UTC)From:... yeah. I'd love to kill you. For the junk you've done-- and the junk your garbage unitmates have done to my people, too.
[ quiet ]
But I won't... feel better. It won't get rid of you, anyway.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 03:55 pm (UTC)From:[ with a pause ]
It won't get rid of me, but you would know that you could do it, and that you can do it again.
[ . . . ]
This is unrelated, but what have my unitmates done to you and yours that is so reprehensible?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 04:04 pm (UTC)From:I already know I can kill you. The problem's just getting to that point with everyone rallying to defend you.
[ a pause. though. ]
... You, Loki, and Nya ripping open Hurricane and Nemesis during the hunger games. Yasuragi-- yeah, I know he's not sensitiv, but he was with you guys- shooting me for no reason, attacking Nemesis, and Loki killed me after that. Whatever you did to Nemesis just before. Sekhmet making Maki kill Corona and then herself in that game.
It's kind of a lot. And yeah, maybe it was during games, but most if not all of this was-- unprovoked, at least from my angle. And I know Hurricane and Nemesis wouldn't try to kill someone if they weren't being hunted themselves.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 04:15 pm (UTC)From:[ with a pause ]
. . . I couldn't tell you why they attacked Hurricane-san and Nemesis-san. I wasn't there for the start of the fight, as I was with Dia-sama - and when we entered the area, I heard Nya-san being attacked, so I tried to stop Nemesis-san from killing him.
Still, though I don't know why they did it, I'm certainly confident that they would not have unless they were trying to defend themselves. I know Hurricane-san and Nemesis-san to be the same, so to be honest, I'm not certain what happened.
[ with a pause ]
As for other matters, they aren't in my place to speak of.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 04:32 pm (UTC)From:I'm not asking for you explanations about that junk anyway.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-22 04:43 pm (UTC)From:[ with a pause ]
. . .
Our units, regardless of reason, have a fair amount of antagonism towards each other already.
Moreover, it is difficult for us to protect ourselves in games. I'm sure the same could be said for you.
. . .
Even though I'm personally fond of everyone on ☆ZRAEL, my unit has . . . the younger members of my unit - I don't want to be the one to make them break their own hearts. I've already done that many times before, with my own selfishness. Moreover, I know that I grate on you and a few others - and regardless, Avenger will be alright if I'm dead.
[ a pause ]
Not that I mean to be. Even if I hate it, I'm not going to stop fighting. I'll protect my unit with everything I have, and -
It hurts her, I know. But I'm selfish, and it hurts me to imagine her dying. Because - she won't fight it . . . Even if I should die, such is the nature of my existence anyway, so I can bear that burden - but I can't bear even the thought of her dying. . .
It seems like it would be easier for us if our units could mutually antagonize each other. And, I trust you and the rest of ☆ZRAEL to protect her.
[ with another pause, like he's tacking on an afterthought ]
Though, I admit that I seem to be antagonizing people when I don't mean to. I just haven't done anything about it because it's convenient.
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